I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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