Already got asked if we're dating
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
