We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
