I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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