I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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