the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
