Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
