We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
