Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
