Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
