A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
