the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
