mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He passed out mid-signature
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
