He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
