There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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