sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize