erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
