An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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