You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
