I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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