Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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