Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
