There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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