i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
