worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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