Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
