...so i touched it.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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