If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
