i just wanna soil my oats bro
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
