Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
