I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
