i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's never too late to be topless.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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