never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize