You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
