just tell him i said nine months
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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