I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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