You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
