Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
