After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
