Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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