after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
