Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
