Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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