She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
