It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
