I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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