hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
