dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize