I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
