I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
