i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
