just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
