sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
