he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize