I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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