i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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