one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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