My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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