I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
