ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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