My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
