if only i could text you this smell
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did i walk over a car last night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize