I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
