What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
