I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
farters have to be the big spoon...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
