We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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