Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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