I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
