I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish you could order shots online.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
