I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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