go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
