I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
