I look better un-naked...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Actions speak louder than pants.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
