I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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