Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
