Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
