There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
