Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
