Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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