Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
