I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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