my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
