if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize