Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
