wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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