i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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