Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
