I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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