do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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