I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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