i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My vagina is officially offended.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
