I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
