She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
