It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize