Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My balls are so social today.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
