Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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