There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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