i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
