I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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