I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
