So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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