New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
