he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
