Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
