If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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