I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
